U of M To Get 1-A Status?

September 15, 2005

By Nook Logan
Special to MammothBlog

    University of Mammoth football might hit the big-time in the next few years if Mushers head coach Ronald "Bigs" LaBlash succeeds in his current quest.
    "I've applied to the NCAA for Division 1-A status," he said yesterday at a press conference that was attended by just me. "I see no reason why this institution cannot compete with the Cals, Stanfords, Oregons and Caltechs."
    Informed that Caltech did not compete at the Division I-A level in any sport, LaBlash said,
    "Well, there you go. See what I mean?"
    MU football, such as it is, has always taken a back seat to the Ski Team and to the Snowboard Team, even when the snowboarders are under investigation for one thing or another.
    One of the reasons is because the Mushers play outside. Last year, during the 80-inch October snowfalls, the Mushers won three forfeited games on account of the visiting teams said they couldn't get to town, even though everyone up here knows that's a crock, because, after all, we all got home from wherever we were that week, even if it was just back from Toms Place or Mustang Mesa or wherever.
    And anyway, when opposition ski teams come here, do they complain about the snow? No sir.
    LaBlash, meanwhile, said he is optimistic that MU can win a game on its own, without a forfeit.
    In games that were actually played, MU has never won—a startling record, really.
    "If we were in Division 1-A," he told the press corps, "we'd hold an all-time college record."
    Informed that it was an all-time college record in spite of not being in Division 1-A, LaBlash said, "Well, I'm not surprised."