Who is Bump Diamond?
Graduate of the Mammoth School of Fish
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By Bump Diamond
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The Vons Report Archive
Food Trouble
November 6, 2006
It's been more than a week since Andy Weil and his healthful Life & Wellness chums left town, leaving behind some big nutritional, spiritual and behavioral religion. Still, something tells me that Weil, of Tucson, Ariz., doesn't really have to deal with the challenges of living in a town where the predominant food source is a supermarket. A grocery chain now has a study that indicates of 27,000 food products that were plugged into a formula, 77 percent flunked, "including many, if not most, of the processed foods that advertise themselves as good for you," the New York Times reported.Memorial Day 2006
May 25, 2006
Every year, just about everybody forgets how just goldarned memorable Mammoth's Memorial Day weekends can be. It's a week of fun, celebration and hallowed tradition. First, there is the annual re-striping of the Vons lot. For one whole day, half the lot is closed while Black Gold Asphalt performs its traditional overlay and painting. While the trucks and rollers perform, Mammoth residents respond in the quaint old way: driving around in circles up by the theaters, pretending to look for spots. It's so much fun that the whole thing is repeated the next day.The Emmentaler Crisis
February 9, 2006
Suddenly, Mammoth's supermarket situation looks to be part of a political issue that could influence next June's municipal elections, maybe, and I am not laughing as I scribble. The advice from this corner, take it or leave it, is never overlook the Emmentaler situation, which gets the heart of the supermarket question. It's kind of hard to believe, on one level, that the food store could be a high-profile thing, given there's going to be three seats up for grabs, along with, probably, a tax hike measure.Vons In 2006
January 5, 2006
First and foremost, the biggest crisis since the Summer Remodel occurred New Year's Eve, when Mammoth's only supermarket could not keep up with the demand for quality vodka. Good ol' Mammoth, huh? Anyway, Mammothists beat a path of desire right on over to Country Liquor, scrambled on over to A-Frame Liquor and then began scrounging around in condo cupboards. Nothing could stop them. One man found a bottle of Absolut in a golf bag that was in the garage of the single-family home he was illegally renting for the week.Heads Up On Aisle 1
December 9, 2005
During the lull of the longish shoulder season, it was kinda hard to predict how the new Vons setup was going to work when people showed up. Now, with people starting to come back to town because of the holidays and just enough snow on the ski hill, I would like to offer this as a heads-up: Aisle 1 can be a dicey proposition, traffic-wise.Bagged Salad Crisis At Vons
November 21, 2005
A bagged salad crisis, which also involved some bagged veggies and all alfalfa sprouts, developed overnight Nov. 20 at Vons, where bagged salads occupy a whole wall in the produce section. Nobody wanted this.A Big Day At Vons
November 14, 2005
This was the day all of Mammoth was been waiting for.No, not the Open House at Main Lodge.
No, not a drop-dead gorgeous late October day.
Rather, this was the day of the Vons Grand Re-Opening, capping a 13-week remodel that flummoxed most of us along the way.
The verdict is in, too, and it's good.
Vons is a much better store now. Lots more booze and beer and stuff, and nice wide aisles. Better produce and etc. etc. There is nothing in the store that's not better than it was.
On thing, though:
The new motto is, "Experience the Unexpected."
Well, if Vons wants a PR disaster, all they have too do is stick with that motto.
Me myself, I was in the produce department the other day, looking for sprouts to top off my wowzer Pad Thai. Couldn't find fresh sprouts, and the produce guy shrugged and said they didn't come in on the truck, but there was some packaged "Spicy Sprouts" down by the ginger root.
"Hey!" said I. "I am experiencing the unexpected!"
Wait until the holiday weeks come around. If there's snow, like there usually is, all kinds of unexpected things can happen.
A Big Day At Vons
October 9, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town This is the day all of Mammoth has been waiting for. No, not the Open House at Main Lodge. No, not a drop-dead gorgeous late October day. Rather, this is...Vons Adds A Meat And Fish Counter
October 1, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Hey look at that, will ya? That's a meat and fish counter, with an actual butcher, just like supermarkets in the rest of the world, right here at our very own Vons. ...Finally, A Little Sense At Vons
September 12, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Just before I got outta Dodge for a little low-altitude attitude I dropped in at Vons to experience another slice of remodeling horror, but I didn't get it. The store is...Vons Is Getting Really Messy
August 31, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Everybody knew this re-model was going to be an ordeal, but clearly some shoppers at Vons are going out of their skulls trying to navigate through the store. Doesn't help that it's...Cheese On Aisle 4
August 29, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Lotsa locals are wandering around Vons this weekend looking a little bit like ducks that have been hit in the head with a mallet. It's starting to get to where nothing is...The Beer, Wine And Booze Have Moved
August 28, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Very disorienting stuff happening at Vons all week, but nothing like Friday and Saturday, when they moved the beer and the booze. This is all about the 10-week re-model of our only grocery...Vons Pharmacy Aisles Take A Hit
August 23, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town Just got back from Vons to see what's what with the big remodel, and there's a lot, that's what. I already covered, in my last post to The Vons Report, the disappearance...10 Weeks Of Nightmare At Vons
August 17, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town The mayhem has begun at Vons, Mammoth's only supermarket. Over the next 10 weeks the store will be remodeled, according to store employees, who say the schedule—it is the height of the...Long Lines For No Apparent Reason
July 4, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town I don't mean to be gripin', what with a bona fide summer day out there and all, but wow the situation at Vons last night was way grim. This was about 7...Vons Is Paved Over, Creating Agitation
June 22, 2005
By Lyin' Judy Bridger Now this is what we call a crisis day. Black Gold Asphalt showed up at Vons yesterday and bollixed up the whole neighborhood, and that ain't no lie. It's likely to happen again...VONS TO REMODEL IN AUGUST
An inside-out makeover
April 29, 2005
By Bump DiamondMan About Town In Mammoth, the Center of the Universe is at Vons Supermarket, somewhere between frozen foods and the pharmacy. The Universe is about to be remade, at just about the worst time imaginable. ...
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