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Who is Bump Diamond?
Graduate of the Mammoth School of Fish
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September 2007 Archive

Cranky Bastard

September 12, 2007

The Cranky Bastard entered the rest stop and grumped his way over too the food. This was during the High Sierra Fall Century bike ride on Sept. 8. It was easy to spot him as a Cranky Old Bastard, because his cycling jersey had "Cranky Old Bastard Bicycle Club" on the back. It's not a club you'd want to join, necessarily, unless you are a habitual bastard. Bike jerseys are great, especially when they're worn by a girl with pink hair, like Nat, from San Francisco. Her jersey, black with pink graphics, depicted a woman cyclist, bent over her drop handlebars, presumably pedaling furiously. And by the way, the woman cyclist on the jersey was depicted as very well endowed and naked as a needle. We liked Nat a lot, and we also liked the woman who rode by in a South Park jersey with "Oh, Man, You Guys SUCK!" on the back.
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Da Bears

September 6, 2007

Anybody who thinks we have a "bear problem" is nuts. What Mammoth has is a slew of idiot people who create the problem themselves. We've got lots of people who dump and run in the middle of the night, leaving trash bags next to -- not in -- dumpsters all over town. We've got restaurant people who are careless with their trash. We've got rube tourists who actually feed the bears, hoping for a picture they can take home or just for the thrill of seeing a 400-pound creature. At the Lakes Basin, we've got bait fishermen who bring to the shores coolers stuffed with food, and if they leave that site for even five minutes, our Harvard-educated bears descend on the coolers, and sometimes that ain't pretty. Some second homeowners whose estates are near condo complexes have no problem using the condos' trash bins, making them overflow.
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