We're Pluto

August 25, 2006

You've got to hand it to the professors at good old University of Mammoth: What the U of M lacks in prestige, the faculty makes up in chutzpah.

On Friday, Aug. 25, the U of M's astronomy professor asked the International Astronomical Union to name Mammoth as the outermost planet in the solar system, now that Pluto has been reduced to "dwarf planet" status.

"Anyone who has tried to get good quality, soft cheeses knows how far away we are," said Prof. Edouard Germanicname.

Appearing starry-eyed at a morning news conference that was attended only by you-know-who, he argued that Mammoth is so remote that many people already consider it as a separate planet.

A spokeswoman for the International Astronomical Union said the professor's demand was "by far, the most stupid thing I've ever heard" from any member of any academic community, anywhere.

"It goes to show you what living at high altitude can do to some people," she said.

The spokeswoman also asked after the star-crossed University of Mammoth Mushers, whose season begins soon, but that was a whole 'nother thing, so we ended the conversation right then and there.

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